How I Knew a Friendship Was Toxic

When I Realized a Friendship Was Toxic And Stood Up For Myself

Freshman year was supposed to be exciting—a fresh start, new classes, new people, and endless chances to reinvent yourself.

I thought I had things figured out I already had a small group of friends, and for the most part, we all got along really well.

But then, in the middle of the year, I met someone new who ended up changing everything.

At first, she seemed fun and bubbly, the kind of person who could make any situation more exciting.

She slid into our friend group so easily, like she’d always been part of it.

In the beginning, I thought it was great.

 She was funny, outgoing, and always had something dramatic to talk about—which, honestly, can seem pretty entertaining when you’re fourteen and looking for distractions from homework.

We’d text late into the night, I was happy to bring her closer into my circle and introduce her to the people I cared about.

It felt like a win-win… until it wasn’t.

The little red flags started showing up quietly.

She’d interrupt conversations to make sure the spotlight was on her. 

If someone shared good news, she’d somehow twist it into a story about herself.

At first, I brushed it off—everyone wants to feel special sometimes, right? 

But then, she started doing things that made me feel small.

When she was bored, she’d suddenly text me nonstop, venting about her problems or trying to stir up drama.

But when I needed her support? She’d either ignore me or turn the conversation back to herself.

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When Attention Turns Into Manipulation

One day, we had a small disagreement—nothing huge, just a difference of opinion about a group project.

Instead of talking it out, she blew up the situation and started blaming me for everything.

Suddenly, she was telling other people in our friend group that I was being “too sensitive” or “overreacting.”

I remember feeling embarrassed and confused, like I’d done something wrong when all I’d done was set a small boundary.

The worst part was when she admitted something that made my stomach drop.

She said she didn’t even know it was wrong to “use a friend for entertainment purposes” or to “only talk to someone when you’re bored.” 

Hearing her say that out loud felt like a punch to the gut.

All those times I’d been there for her, listened to her problems, or invited her into my life—she saw it as something casual and disposable.

It was like I suddenly realized she didn’t value me the way I valued her.

I started paying closer attention after that. 

She’d stir up drama between people in the group just to see what would happen. 

She’d make little digs at me in front of others, then laugh and say she was “just joking.”

But it didn’t feel like a joke—it felt like she was chipping away at my confidence while pretending to be a friend.

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Choosing Myself Over Toxicity

The breaking point came when I confronted her about using me one day, when she tried to make me the villain in yet another situation she created.

I remember sitting there, and realizing I didn’t deserve this.

I didn’t have to keep someone in my life who made me feel drained, insecure, or unappreciated. Friendship is supposed to make you feel supported, not used.

Walking away wasn’t easy.

Part of me worried about losing the group or seeming “mean.”

But slowly, I started to distance myself.

I spent more time with people who lifted me up and less time trying to please someone who only saw me as an option.

And you know what? The more space I created between us, the lighter I felt.

Now, looking back, I’m grateful for that experience even if it hurt at the time.

It taught me what healthy friendship should look like mutual respect, trust, and kindness.

It showed me that it’s okay to set boundaries and that my feelings are valid.

Most importantly, it reminded me that I deserve to be surrounded by people who see my worth, not just people who use me when it’s convenient.

If you’re reading this and something about my story sounds familiar, consider it your sign.

Pay attention to the little red flags.

A good friend will celebrate your wins, stand by you in tough times, and never make you feel like you’re only there to entertain them.

You are not anyone’s backup plan you’re a whole person, and you deserve friendships that feel safe and genuine.